Friday, April 30, 2010

A Sense of Loss

It’s difficult not to regret the things you have to let go, the things you cannot have and the things that are taken away from you…I suspect that even the best of the ‘in the now’ gurus grapple with this human imperfection now n then.

In some ways surely though, it isn’t healthy not to feel a sense of loss, to be able to just say, ok, done wi’ dat or no worries, don’t need it, want it, care. So should we embrace our mourning? And if we do, how much of it are we allowed before we are wallowing in self-pity? Before we are being ungrateful for the gifts we have?

I’m actually smiling as I write this…not depressed and grieving, just in case you were wondering…it’s just a line of thought that has been present in my life recently in so many guises that I feel like writing about it, and dealing with it brings one of those reluctant wry smiles to my face.

Yesterday I posted about both the choking nature and the wonderful warmth of small island community and of course, no sooner than I did that, the reports of crimes on my small island home came in on the talk show, the news, the phone.  We have lost our paradise in so many ways…my new sneakers sit unused as yet and all I want to do is be able to walk out before the sun’s colours tint the sky, down to Pigeon Point, along the shore, breathing in the salty wind and clearing my head and my heart…

No can do. Or well, I could, but I would feel like I was looking for a mugging along the way. Some ‘High Class’ area I live in…if the mosquitoes don’t kill you, the criminals will. You have to lock yourself in your home these days; no more wandering out onto the lawn to gaze at silver moon shadows after midnight…

But there are losses of all kinds we all live with every day… the kids, as always, moan about their lack of freedom, thinking that they’re bound by homework, chores, rules and parents that don’t understand. Little do they know what they’ll grieve for when they take the reigns in their own hands…the loss of those same parents’ safety nets, of a life without bills…poor djab dem.

How many of us wish for a different life – to work somewhere else, live somewhere else? Some of us actually convince ourselves that we make a move away from our current life to go after a better one for us and ours…and what do we lose in the process? The life of a child maybe, the appreciation for a culture and people who reflect us in their every breath, the enjoyment of those who are real in our lives right here and right now…?

There are losses that are forced on us – like not being able to leave a house open that was designed to be open to nature…like not knowing if your every keypad stroke is being stolen, your calls monitored, your voice listened for through your laptop…that one is a sickly one for true…I am living it right now – not sure why, but I never, even in my most techy moments, imagined experiencing this particular sense of loss. I find it hard not to hate the sub-humans whoever they are, who put this one on me and I have yet to find any real smile in it either.

I don’t actually really think all these things are being done, but the invasion that did take place effectively seeded those paranoias into my thoughts…and there you have it, loss of expression, loss of security, loss of enjoyment of my time, loss of serenity of people I care about…no matter how much the intrusions are ignored, the sense of loss is there.

In the end though, a choice, in all cases, can be made…the loss can be let go and attention focused on what new adventure may be found in the ever changing world…what is real, now, what might be possible...

In some cases this of course means us accepting responsibility that we might much prefer not to have – personal, social, community, business – taking action to make a positive change. In some cases though, it's not so difficult a task to start - we just need to seek and allow ourselves to find the glimmer of positivity – a shadow of light creating patterns we maybe can’t yet quite see or understand…and believe that we can let go our loss and move on. Understand that loss of itself, is a gain.

Yin Yang… loss / opportunity. Live, love, life.

What do my friends think? Please do tell...